


Captain Cliche

by jovialien



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 18:51:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1909863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jovialien/pseuds/jovialien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack.  Too much crack.</p>
<p>Captain America has been captured and is being held by a mighty SuperVillain!  Will he manage to escape?  Will the villain ever be able to settle on a name for himself?  Will the evil Henchman be incompetent?</p>
<p>Tune in to find out, in this week's episode of Captain Cliche!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Captain Cliche

You'd think, as a Superhero, he would be used to this by now. The chains, 'specially reinforced so even you can't escape them, Captain America!' The dungeon (seriously, did crime really pay so badly that even a _super_ villain couldn't afford a place that doesn't drip?) The ridiculous ransom demands, and, of course, the monologuing. 

So much monologuing. 

(Steve was oddly grateful that Clint had insisted they all watch The Incredibles, even if Thor had mocked the heroes in the cape scene, but he really did wish that it was more popular among their enemies too.)

This enemy was a little different to most though, despite the fact that he had definitely embraced the Super Villain Fashion Guide. The cape was enough to make Thor jealous, soft velvet in a deep gold on the inner side, red on top, and weighted perfectly to hang in soft drapes at the villain's ankles. The boots were the finest Italian leather, supple black that curved up the calf in an almost piratical style, and covering a simple yet immaculately tailored (and no doubt ridiculously expensive) suit. 

Even the goatee was smoothed and slicked, not a hair out of place, in true comic book bad guy style. Really, an A Star for effort was definitely needed. It was just a shame Steve was going to mess up such nice clothes so very badly as soon as he got out of those chains...

A break in the monologue quickly drew Steve's attention back to the matter at hand and he caught the expectant look being thrown his way. Oh, right, hero in peril, there was a proper etiquette to these things, and every man must play his part.

“You'll never get away with this, Great Inventor!”

“Oh but I will!” The Great Inventor paused, thinking. “You know what, I'm not sure about the name, d'you think I should try something like 'The Inventonator' or 'Dr Dread', or maybe the 'Arc Enemy', because of the reactor, get it-”

“Tony,” Steve sighed, pulling against the chains holding him against the workshop wall and resisting the urge to break them. “Don't you think you're taking this whole role playing thing a little too far now, I mean, the costume, the holographic dungeon-”

“Shush you! You will never escape the lair of The Creator!” Tony grinned, nodding at the name as though inviting Steve to comment. “The Creator has you now, and you will do whatever I command or I will have my savage robots tear you limb from limb!”

Steve couldn't help looking over to the corner of the workshop where Dum-E had looked up at the mention of the word robot. Truly, such a terrifying creation. Steve's not sure if it is the fake scar taped over his arm strut that screamed henchman the most, or the angry fluffy eyebrows stuck over his camera.

“Oh, God, no, anything but that,” Steve monotoned, trying not to laugh as Dum-E tilted at him quizzically. “I mean, no, Creator, I will never yield to you!”

“Oh but you will!” Tony pulled in closer, holding something resembling a black and white horror movie syringe in his hand. It was even cardboard, spray painted silver with glitter, rather than actually just made of metal, and Steve couldn't help but wonder why on Earth anyone in the tower actually had silver glitter spray paint in the first place.

(He asked Tony later and got a strange not really an answer about Clint, Coulson, something called a 'Deathday', feathers, cardboard wings, a harness, and a halo. Some questions just don't really need to be answered, not if sanity is something you are actually fond of anyway.)

The syringe, one with an oversized and oddly phallic shape for a medical instrument, was waved in front of Steve's chest and dragged down over the star of his uniform. Or, at least, a very cheap copy of his uniform with absolutely zero padding and significantly less material. Steve really regretted telling Tony that he wouldn't wear any of his real uniforms for this; in hindsight he should have realised that would lead to some very dodgy online shopping.

And a thong.

“This, Captain, is my super slave serum that will make you my puppet, forever! One little prick, and you will be mine!”

Steve couldn't help the quick snort that escaped him, especially not when Tony looked about one bad pun away from losing it completely too. His eyes were too bright, watering with held back laughter, and his glare was half grin, even if he desperately tried to hide it. 

“I will never let you stick that in me, Creator, never, no, no, noooooooo...!” Steve really hammed it up for all he was worth as Tony dragged the fake syringe down over his bare midriff (seriously, Steve was fairly sure this costume was based on the WOMEN'S 'sexy Cap Costume' range rather than the men's) before thrusting it up against Steve's groin and sliding the plunger down.

“No,” Steve whimpered, pretending to collapse down against the chains. “No, I won't... No, you can't make me...”

“And now,” Tony whispered, putting a hand under Steve's jaw and forcing him to look up. “Now, you are mine...”

“And scene,” Steve whispered back softly, a grin breaking out over his face as he finally gave in to the laughter that had been forced back inside him for what felt like hours. “Tony, oh God-”

Tony was already on the floor, arms wrapped around his sides and the syringe dropped as he struggled for breath through tears of laughter. “Oh, Steve, oh, oh, noooooooooooo!” Tony mocked, before breaking into giggles again. “Oh sweet- You're a born star!”

“Well, I did do some acting during the war you know,” Steve shot back before looking above his head at the chains holding him to the wall. “Hang on, let me just-” Pulling against them, Steve frowned, shifting his arms to actually wrap his hands around the chains. “Huh.”

“Clint is going to wet himself when he sees this, oh we are going to win for sure!”

“I'm still not convinced acting out 'scenes from bad Superhero Movies' is a good team bonding exercise, no matter how funny it was on that 'I don't know whose line it is show',” Steve muttered, looking up at where the chains are fixed to the wall. That was not a normal fixture down here... “Tony, did you do something to these chains?”

“Bruce and Natasha are toast, seriously, there is nothing they can do to top this, and I don't care if Sam and Bucky are seriously thinking of doing Flash Gordon, we will win!”

“Uh huh, Tony...” Tony looked up at last, laughter fading into something more considered as he looked up at Steve, dressed in the skimpy outfit and still chained to the wall. “When you said these chains were reinforced to hold even me, that _was_ just in character, right?”

The sheepish grin pretty much answered that for him.

“Awesome. And the key?”

“The key is safe, I gave it to my henchman of course, like all great villains do, you hang it on a big ring around a henchman where the sidekick can easily get it.”

“You gave it to Dum-E.”

“I gave it to Dum-E...” Tony swallowed hard, and looked across the workshop at where Dum-E had taken to patrolling up and down by the charging stations, one of his eyebrows crooked, and certainly without anything resembling a keyring on him. At all. “Whoops.”

“Tony...” Steve sighed even as Tony slid in closer, running his hands up Steve's sides. 

“It will turn up. And in the meantime, you _are_ supposed to be under my spell...” The kiss was soft when it came, but broken by a grin as Tony twanged the elastic barely covering Steve's crotch. 

“Oh great Creator,” Steve whispered back. “The plot twist is, I already was.”


End file.
